Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
