You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
