i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
