It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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