For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
