yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
