once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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