We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
