Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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