Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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