yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
