I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
