There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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