i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize