This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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