The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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