THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
