i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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