Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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