you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
