Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
