so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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