hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
