Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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