I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My feet surprised me
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