That's intense
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
