i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
