the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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