I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I cut my penus on the lid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
