your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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