I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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