tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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