I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Less talking, more tequila
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
