i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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