I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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