I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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