Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
