I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
