kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
