my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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