No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
