i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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