you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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