Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
sex in a hospital.. check
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
