It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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