I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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