Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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