I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
