He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
