Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
