ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
